Today feels like a good day to go on a bit of a rant about the “joys” of pregnancy. I was feeling good (as good as can be expected at 25 weeks), until 3 days ago. I got attacked by a cough and cold from hell that has taken me down hard. After 3 nights of little sleep, here I am to tell you all about it.
DISCLAIMER: If you are a male, proceed with caution! You may not ever want to know what’s REALLY going on with our pregnant selves. If you are a female without children, and plan to have them, beware! What you are about to read may terrify you. I can assure you though, it’s not as bad as it sounds (well, it kinda is, but you can do it!). If you are a mom, no disclaimer necessary. Surely you’ve already experienced some or all of these magnificent pregnancy perks for yourself.
When I was pregnant with my son, on a particularly uncomfortable day, I remember asking a friend why no one warned me about this? Why didn’t anyone tell me what pregnancy was really like? This was nothing like what I had read about, and way worse than I could have prepared myself for. Is it possible that I was the only one who felt this way, and the rest of the moms really were living in pregnancy bliss? Women have been doing this for centuries, and giving birth without drugs in the middle of the woods! Maybe my body just wasn’t built for this. I found myself on a bit of a quest to discover if I was alone in this. I’d ask other moms I know if they SERIOUSLY enjoyed pregnancy? I was happy to find that I was not alone (yay!). The majority of the women I spoke with were in the same boat as me. They weren’t “glowing”. They had bad skin, and swollen ankles. They were huge and uncomfortable and not “all belly”, just like me!
Here is my second disclaimer: I fully recognize the absolute privilege of being able to carry a child, and the huge gift that arrives once it’s all over. YES – it is all worth it! It is a true blessing to have a healthy baby at the end of it all. But let’s just put that aside for a moment, because seriously, it’s not all bliss in the process! Sometimes a bit of brutally honest, comic relief is necessary. I personally wouldn’t be able to get through this if I wasn’t able to temporarily throw away all my dignity and privacy, and laugh at what my body has temporarily become. Now, you may be wondering what I’m talking about. Maybe you ARE one of those women who truly did have a blissful pregnancy, with no noticeable symptoms at all. Actually I didn’t believe those women existed, until my best friend got pregnant. 3 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy, she has yet to experience the wonderful side effects that so many of us experience. To her, and others like her, I am truly happy for you. And PS, I kinda hate you right now. (You know I love you T!)
So, I will start with the good news. In my experience these symptoms, side effects, “joys”, whatever you want to call them, all go away once baby makes his/her debut. So you can breathe a sigh of relief that it is hopefully all temporary! So, here we go. The joys of pregnancy through my eyes…
1.Weight gain:
Might as well start with one of my favorites. If you are fortunate enough to gain only in your belly, count your lucky stars. That is NOT me. And thanks to a pregnancy condition, (that is not serious if handled appropriately) my exercise is to be limited. Since I am awesome at gaining weight even when not pregnant, there is basically no hope for me right now. My face is plump, as are my arms, thighs and ankles, and my ribs are nowhere to be found. I’m sure they are under there somewhere! Did I miss any body parts? As the belly grows, common tasks like bending over and putting on your shoes become a chore. And if you do manage squish that belly into a place where you can get those shoes on, you will likely stand back up huffing and puffing like you just ran a marathon. Personal grooming? Good luck. There will be body parts you may not be able to see for months! Enjoy hubby!
2. Skin Changes:
Out of nowhere my otherwise “normal” skin was overtaken by bright red spider veins and broken blood vessels. No part of my body was spared! Not to mention that my face hasn’t seen the sunlight in a few years. The pregnancy months are spent lubed up with sunscreen and hiding from the rays. Then the first 6 months or so of babies life is spent sheltering them in the shade. Then all of a sudden it’s winter and soon you’re pregnant again! So needless to say, my skin is a really nice shade of pasty white combined with bright red blood vessels. Cute.
3. Heartburn:
You have not experienced heartburn until you’ve had pregnancy heartburn. It is hard to even explain how painful and uncomfortable it can be. I thought this was a symptom that if I got it, wouldn’t be a big deal. I was wrong! Mine was an intense burning, throbbing pain right in my throat that just wouldn’t go away. It felt like I was being punched in the throat every time I tried to eat or drink.
4. Back Pain:
This often goes hand in hand with weight gain, and is worsened depending on babies position. I spent the last 3 months of my first pregnancy sleeping upright on the couch, trying unsuccessfully to get comfortable. Towards to end of the pregnancy, daily life became a chore. It hurt to push my huge self up off the couch. It hurt to walk. It hurt to sit. I tried to get comfortable with pillows over here, and over there, behind my back, pillows for hugging. Then flip over, and try this position and that. Nothing helped. Sleeping was pretty much out of the question at this point.
5. Nausea:
The range of symptoms in this category are broad. I’ve heard of everything from women throwing up non-stop through the entire pregnancy, even while medicated. Or the sickness that comes only in the morning for the first 12 weeks or so. Or like me, who just felt nauseous and “off” all day and night for weeks on end. With my son this ended by 13 weeks (Thank God!). This time around it lasted until around 20 weeks. Just in time to enjoy a few weeks of the much anticipated “second trimester bliss”, before all hope of feeling good again is lost for the duration of the third trimester.
6. Bloody noses:
Apparently this is TOTALLY normal. RIGHT! Randomly, without warning my nose would bleed. On the way to work, the store, or just sitting at home on the couch. Many a time I had to turn around and go home after my shirt being stained with blood. If this happens to you in public, like it did with me once, it creates quite a frenzy. Well meaning people(much appreciated by the way!) will rush to your aid because they assume the poor pregnant woman is dying. Blood has that effect on people. It’s OK, you probably aren’t.
7. Food Cravings/Aversions:
I wish my problem was cravings! This is commonly spoken about as a pregnancy symptom, but I didn’t experience it. My issue was strong food aversions. Meat for example. Ewww! Just the thought of it sometimes could turn my stomach. And God forbid I smell or see (especially raw) chicken. The aversions lessened for me as the pregnancy progressed, but the thought of it now still makes me feel a bit ill! This sounds like no big deal. Eat something else, right? But it’s a vicious cycle. Not enough protein = feel even more sick than you already do = tired = headache = grumpy, and repeat the next day. There are many creative ways to try and overcome this issue, like having protein shakes and options other than meat. But it is challenging when the body is so picky, and the desire (or lack there of) for certain foods changes from day to day and even minute to minute. One week I ate pork for every meal. The next week the thought of it make me want to hurl. Thank you pregnancy for turning me into a crazy person!
8. Vision changes:
Another common symptom – who knew! I felt unsafe driving at night during my first pregnancy because I had such a hard time seeing. This time around I had my eyes tested before, and during pregnancy (just for kicks!). My check up during pregnancy resulted in me being told I needed glasses, where a month prior had perfect vision.
9. Bladder control:
Another one of my favorites! So as if you don’t feel quite yet that you’ve lost all control of your body and dignity, take away your bladder control too! Now just for fun, add a common cold to the mix. Now I spend my days enjoying a series of underwear changes every time I cough and wasn’t able to cross my legs quick enough. Yep – this is for real! Jumping jacks – no chance! Oh, and God forbid I sneeze! And don’t forget the constant feeling of having to pee, even when you literally JUST left the bathroom.
10. Hemorrhoids:
Gross, yucky, painful. If you really need more of an explanation, google it.
11. Swollen ankles:
Sounds like no big deal, right? It’s just cosmetic. WRONG! My legs and ankles were so swollen after my son was born that it was painful to walk. And yes, it is also not attractive. It’s just one more thing to make you feel super sexy during this time where your own body seems to be laughing as it betrays you over and over again.
12. Stretch marks & loose skin:
Maybe the pregnancy God’s felt bad for giving me every other symptom that is known to man. I was fortunate to come out relatively unscathed in this category, besides a few light stretchmarks below belly button level. (Who is ever going to see that anyways?!?) But again, a very common occurrence ranging from light marks to red and blue stretch marks all across the tummy, back, hips and thighs. The body goes from “normal” to huge in such a short period of time, and is stretched in every direction. Sometimes the skin goes back, sometimes it doesn’t. I will let you know what happens after baby #2!
13. Carpal tunnel I would wake up in extreme pain every morning, my hands in a clenched position, my wrists burning. I couldn’t move my fingers for several minutes. I would slowly ease them open, wincing at every movement. As the day progressed I would feel the pain building up, and by the next morning my claws were back in fist position.
14. Low Blood Pressure
You may pass out if you get up to fast. Yep – I did…a few times! (totally normal!)
Holy crap, did I miss anything???
There you have it. My take on what pregnancy really looks like in my world. So, do I still wish I would’ve been told about all the possible “joys” of pregnancy before getting into it? For me, the answer is yes! Would it have influenced my decision to have children? Absolutely not. Also keep in mind that I am the girl who likes to know as much as possible, as soon as possible. I am the girl who has the baby room furnished and painted at 20 weeks. I am the girl who finds out the gender of the baby as soon as I’m able, and has the name picked soon after. I am the girl who has enough clothing and diapers to cover the first 6 months of the babies life. That is who I am.
Here is my final disclaimer for today: Take everything I’ve just written with a grain of salt. Being in the trenches of pregnancy can make you feel crazy at times! Some days it’s hard, and some days it’s hilarious. Some days it just feels like it will never end. But I can assure you those feelings and negative memories quickly go away once that little bundle arrives, and your body becomes your own again (for the most part). And for me, being able to laugh at the madness helps me get through. I talk to my friends about my vagina. We bond over stories about boobs and stretch marks. No one can better understand and appreciate what you are going through than a fellow mom who has been there, even if the experiences aren’t quite the same.
Try not to take pregnancy so seriously, and even harder still, try to enjoy the ride. There is nothing else in life quite like this.
shannonvan 